I Hear the Grating of an Old Saw

I hear the grating of an old saw, back and forth, back and forth, tearing at my soul. Old guilts, old stupidities, old moments of awkward stubbornness, things long ago confessed and forgiven. Faintly I discern the scent of brimstone. There is a fell hand upon the saw, but once discerned, with a mocking leer upon his face he drops the saw and withdraws a pace or two awaiting another day, another unguarded moment when he can grasp the old saw of accusation and work away, back and forth, back and forth.

This is a common experience of many Christians. The old guilts and stupidities are seldom the most dramatic requiring soul shaking repentance, but rather the lesser ones that reflect inner weakness, inner vulnerabilities to temptation, words spoken lovelessly, harsh actions, moments of hurt pride and anger, and a myriad of drives springing from the flesh that we neither desire nor intend to fulfill.

In a flash of insight we see ourselves as a moral puddle and like the publican we beat our breasts and cry, “Lord have mercy on me a sinner.” It is there, at that very spot, that we have something surprising to do. So you see yourself? Well and good! Now in this very moment extend acceptance to yourself, not as you ought to be, but as you are in the reality of this moment. Why? Certainly not because you are such a fine fellow or such a lovely woman. No! You know with painful clarity that you are not. No! Accept yourself because God the Father accepts you for the sake of Jesus His Son. You see yourself and you are seen by the One who loves you most and accepts you. You are accepted! You are accepted just as you are without reservation. Transformation comes later, but in this precious moment you are accepted. Who are you to refuse to accept one whom God Himself has accepted even if that one is you yourself.

This crux is what the ancients would call a pons asinorum, a bridge of asses; a bridge we mindless donkeys fear to cross, but once crossed, the crossing comes with blessed relief. In crossing over, a light dawns. So that is what I am. So what! I see myself; but I also see myself as forgiven and accepted. The grinding back and forth of the old saw of accusation and guilt stops with a sudden jerk and the enemy withdraws with the gnashing of teeth. Rejoice! You are accepted.