Care giving has
long been an important part of Benedictine life. Our own Monastery, St.
Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith, Arkansas, USA, has over a century of
labour, planted 40 schools, and five hospitals, and even now takes tender care
in ministering to the elderly and infirm members of its community. St. Benedict
viewed the Monastery with its Monks and Oblates as a family system. Its
underlying themes are Obedience, Humility, and Charity [that is the Love of God
incarnate in us]. Benedict says,
Let the Abbot
always bear in mind that at the dread Judgment of God there will be
an examination of these two matters: his teaching and the obedience of his
disciples. And let the Abbot be sure that any lack of profit the
master of the house may find in the sheep will be laid to the blame of the
shepherd. On the other hand, if the shepherd has bestowed all his pastoral
diligence on a restless, unruly flock and tried every remedy for their
unhealthy behavior, then he will be acquitted at the Lord's
Judgment and may say to the Lord with the Prophet: "I have not
concealed Your justice within my heart; Your truth and Your salvation I have
declared" (Ps. 40:11). "But they have despised and rejected me"
(Is. 1:2; Ezekiel. 20:27). Then at last the sheep that have rebelled against
his care will be punished by the overwhelming power of death. [From the Rule of
St. Benedict, Chapter Two: The Qualities of the Abbot].
In
talking about care giving we must remember that we are all under authority,
certainly God’s authority, and the various authorities that may over us. Some
of us by nature are caregivers; it is in our blood, in the very fibre, muscle
and bone of our being. It is not just
that there are those who need our care.
We ourselves need to care, to mend and heal, to rescue and restore. I
suspect that trait in one degree or another is found in most people.
Natural
care givers often hold suspect those who have no apparent need to give care,
and recognize as pathological those who instead of giving care, victimize those
who either need care or give care. That
proclivity is not just pathological, it is wicked. What immediately surfaces is
that even though we spend ourselves in caring, the responses are not always
rewarding.
There
is only One who is a bottomless well. Through the Christ flows the water of the
Spirit, the gift of the Father’s love. All
the rest of us lesser caregivers fall into one of two major categories; the Shallow
Well that taps ground water, and the Well Spring that has tapped a source
deeper than itself.
The
caregiver that functions as a shallow well is soon drained of inner resources
and is only slowly filled by fresh rain water seeping through the soil. The shallow well, giving of its own fleshly
strength and human power, gladly gives all it has but then sits depleted, empty
and tired, very tired of caring. Some
shallow wells are slowly repleted, others once depleted sit as dry holes for
times upon times; their caregiving days are over.
The
care giver that functions as a well spring has tapped into the deeper artesian
spring of God’s love and presence and even if depleted, is quickly filled. Contrasting the earthly and heavenly well
there is One who said, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty
again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be
thirsty forever. The water that I will
give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John
4:13,14).
There
are some limits to caregiving that must be recognized. Even Christ the Caregiver is limited by the
freedom of will that is an intrinsic right of those for whom He cares. He allows us to say “No!” We ourselves are bound by the same reality in
our offers to care for others. On
another level there is no comparison of His ability as a caregiver with our
lesser ability. It is not for nothing
that He is called the Redeemer, and we the redeemed. While it remains true that “Amor Vincit
Omnia” [Love Conquers All], it often does so only by crucifixion. Christ’s
caregiving becomes incarnate in our caregiving but subject to our humanity and
limitations and the issues raised by freedom of will; but by the grace of God
we are what we are and His grace in us is not in vain. Caregivers give effective care only by virtue
of their connection with the Christ in the power of the Spirit.
Being
filled with this amazing water of the Holy Spirit requires both inflow and
outflow. Without the inflow that comes
through worship, praise, prayer and reflection on God’s word the well soon
dries up. It is necessary to drink daily
and drink deeply. Without outflow,
without giving care, the water becomes stagnant and the well itself becomes
dank and drear. The one who actively
leans upon Him is like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by
the stream. The one who drinks deeply of
His Presence is like a deep well of water springing forth and giving life to
those who need care.
There
is a fine line between giving care and trying to fix the problems of
others. In our family we have discovered the Crusader Rabbit
syndrome. Crusader Rabbit, whose name is Sir Lapin, is a large, white,
fluffy bunny who takes his sword, his shield and his lance, mounts his white
stallion and charges down on a problem situation, or person, and attempts to
fix things. The problem is that fixing things is not our
responsibility, but loving and giving care is. Generally when Sir
Lapin mounts his white horse and charges down, he is about to get knocked off
his horse. This however does not take into
account another dynamic, the egotist, the wolf in rabbit’s clothing, who gives
care primarily for his own self-aggrandizement, or in some cases for profit. He
comes charging down on his white horse and instead of getting knocked off his
horse leaves destruction in his wake and moves on to the next victim.
A
medical doctor might object at this point, knowing that the very intention of
his profession is fixing physical things, and he is right up to a point. But to
the extent that emotional and spiritual factors enter into a physical medical
problem, the ability to “fix” is restricted. Secondary factors that arise from
the issues of the soul can and will block the effectiveness of a doctor’s care
giving. Even at that all healing comes from the Lord. “Honour physicians for
their services, for the Lord created them; for their gift of healing comes from
the Most High” [Sirach 38:1-2], and without the grace of God no healing takes
place.
I
think it is a good thing both to give care and to volunteer, unlike the
shrunken soul who said that the best advice he ever received was to never
volunteer. Someone remarked that “As a child
I was told not to speak unless spoken to and to wait until I was asked to do
something.” As a child I remember
the dictum, "children should be seen and not heard", (and I
might, add “and preferably not seen either!”). That kind of attitude was a
vestige of those halcyon days when the governess presented the children to
the parents after dinner for inspection, but for little else. Today’s children
should be respectful, but so should adults, even of children. On a simple level even respectful children
would bless their parents by volunteering to wash the dishes or walk the dog.
Giving care should be a normal part of family life.
Relationships and giving care in
families can be complex; there are so many mixed motives and emotions in any family
living arrangement. The family is what it is, and what has happened in the
past, is past; what's done is done. However there is in all of our
current family living situations a matter for some serious and persistent
prayer. The question is not "What should I have done in the past in giving
care?" but, "What should I do now?" The mind of man
plans his way but the Lord directs his steps.
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