Monday, June 8, 2015

The Caregiver and Crusader Rabbit











Care giving has long been an important part of Benedictine life. Our own Monastery, St. Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith, Arkansas, USA, has over a century of labour, planted 40 schools, and five hospitals, and even now takes tender care in ministering to the elderly and infirm members of its community. St. Benedict viewed the Monastery with its Monks and Oblates as a family system. Its underlying themes are Obedience, Humility, and Charity [that is the Love of God incarnate in us]. Benedict says,

Let the Abbot always bear in mind that at the dread Judgment of God there will be an examination of these two matters: his teaching and the obedience of his disciples. And let the Abbot be sure that any lack of profit the master of the house may find in the sheep will be laid to the blame of the shepherd. On the other hand, if the shepherd has bestowed all his pastoral diligence on a restless, unruly flock and tried every remedy for their unhealthy behavior, then he will be acquitted at the Lord's Judgment and may say to the Lord with the Prophet: "I have not concealed Your justice within my heart; Your truth and Your salvation I have declared" (Ps. 40:11). "But they have despised and rejected me" (Is. 1:2; Ezekiel. 20:27). Then at last the sheep that have rebelled against his care will be punished by the overwhelming power of death. [From the Rule of St. Benedict, Chapter Two: The Qualities of the Abbot].

In talking about care giving we must remember that we are all under authority, certainly God’s authority, and the various authorities that may over us. Some of us by nature are caregivers; it is in our blood, in the very fibre, muscle and bone of our being.  It is not just that there are those who need our care.  We ourselves need to care, to mend and heal, to rescue and restore. I suspect that trait in one degree or another is found in most people. 
Natural care givers often hold suspect those who have no apparent need to give care, and recognize as pathological those who instead of giving care, victimize those who either need care or give care.  That proclivity is not just pathological, it is wicked. What immediately surfaces is that even though we spend ourselves in caring, the responses are not always rewarding.
There is only One who is a bottomless well.  Through the Christ flows the water of the Spirit, the gift of the Father’s love.  All the rest of us lesser caregivers fall into one of two major categories; the Shallow Well that taps ground water, and the Well Spring that has tapped a source deeper than itself.
The caregiver that functions as a shallow well is soon drained of inner resources and is only slowly filled by fresh rain water seeping through the soil.  The shallow well, giving of its own fleshly strength and human power, gladly gives all it has but then sits depleted, empty and tired, very tired of caring.  Some shallow wells are slowly repleted, others once depleted sit as dry holes for times upon times; their caregiving days are over.
The care giver that functions as a well spring has tapped into the deeper artesian spring of God’s love and presence and even if depleted, is quickly filled.  Contrasting the earthly and heavenly well there is One who said, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever.  The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13,14).
There are some limits to caregiving that must be recognized.  Even Christ the Caregiver is limited by the freedom of will that is an intrinsic right of those for whom He cares.  He allows us to say “No!”  We ourselves are bound by the same reality in our offers to care for others.  On another level there is no comparison of His ability as a caregiver with our lesser ability.  It is not for nothing that He is called the Redeemer, and we the redeemed.  While it remains true that “Amor Vincit Omnia” [Love Conquers All], it often does so only by crucifixion. Christ’s caregiving becomes incarnate in our caregiving but subject to our humanity and limitations and the issues raised by freedom of will; but by the grace of God we are what we are and His grace in us is not in vain.  Caregivers give effective care only by virtue of their connection with the Christ in the power of the Spirit.
Being filled with this amazing water of the Holy Spirit requires both inflow and outflow.  Without the inflow that comes through worship, praise, prayer and reflection on God’s word the well soon dries up.  It is necessary to drink daily and drink deeply.  Without outflow, without giving care, the water becomes stagnant and the well itself becomes dank and drear.  The one who actively leans upon Him is like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  The one who drinks deeply of His Presence is like a deep well of water springing forth and giving life to those who need care.                 
There is a fine line between giving care and trying to fix the problems of others.  In our family we have discovered the Crusader Rabbit syndrome.  Crusader Rabbit, whose name is Sir Lapin, is a large, white, fluffy bunny who takes his sword, his shield and his lance, mounts his white stallion and charges down on a problem situation, or person, and attempts to fix things.  The problem is that fixing things is not our responsibility, but loving and giving care is.  Generally when Sir Lapin mounts his white horse and charges down, he is about to get knocked off his horse. This however does not take into account another dynamic, the egotist, the wolf in rabbit’s clothing, who gives care primarily for his own self-aggrandizement, or in some cases for profit. He comes charging down on his white horse and instead of getting knocked off his horse leaves destruction in his wake and moves on to the next victim.
A medical doctor might object at this point, knowing that the very intention of his profession is fixing physical things, and he is right up to a point. But to the extent that emotional and spiritual factors enter into a physical medical problem, the ability to “fix” is restricted. Secondary factors that arise from the issues of the soul can and will block the effectiveness of a doctor’s care giving. Even at that all healing comes from the Lord. “Honour physicians for their services, for the Lord created them; for their gift of healing comes from the Most High” [Sirach 38:1-2], and without the grace of God no healing takes place.
I think it is a good thing both to give care and to volunteer, unlike the shrunken soul who said that the best advice he ever received was to never volunteer.  Someone remarked that “As a child I was told not to speak unless spoken to and to wait until I was asked to do something.”  As a child I remember the dictum, "children should be seen and not heard", (and I might, add “and preferably not seen either!”). That kind of attitude was a vestige of those halcyon days when the governess presented the children to the parents after dinner for inspection, but for little else.  Today’s children should be respectful, but so should adults, even of children.  On a simple level even respectful children would bless their parents by volunteering to wash the dishes or walk the dog. Giving care should be a normal part of family life.

            Relationships and giving care in families can be complex; there are so many mixed motives and emotions in any family living arrangement. The family is what it is, and what has happened in the past, is past; what's done is done.  However there is in all of our current family living situations a matter for some serious and persistent prayer.  The question is not "What should I have done in the past in giving care?" but, "What should I do now?"  The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps.

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